Bakura's A Daddy?
by Heidikins05
Summary: One-shot. Bakura accidently turns his friends into babies! Can he take care of them for two whole hours until he can get Yami to help him change them back? (Mild BakuraxOC) COMPLETE


BAKURA THE FAMILY MAN

I got bored today and just started writing this. Please review! Warning: OC.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!

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Bakura was lying on his girlfriend's couch, watching The Ring. He was feeling a bit ripped off because as far as he could tell this movie had nothing to do with the Millennium Ring – it had nothing to do with any ring! 

"Chick's coming out of wells, like that's ever gonna happen," he grumbled. "Hmm, maybe she's _wearing _a _ring_." He leant forward, trying to see the girl's fingers.

"'Kura!" his girlfriend called, coming downstairs and into the lounge room.

"Sienna, is this girl wearing a ring?"

"What? No, I told you yesterday. I'm going grocery-shopping, do you wanna come?" Sienna asked, playing with his bat wings.

"Ehh…" Bakura said, thinking about it. "Nah."

"Okay, well I'll be home in a few hours," Sienna said, kissing his cheek. "Get your shoes off the couch."

Bakura kicked his shoes off, aiming for the TV. He missed. "Turn the TV off sweet-cheeks, this movie's lame."

Sienna turned the movie off for him, and flicked the channel over to wrestling. "Bye 'Kura." She headed for the door.

"Hey, where's my goodbye kiss? And my wrestling snack?"

"There's vodka in the kitchen," Sienna said, Frenching him. She went and opened the front door. "If Marik comes over, don't let him set the curtains on fire! And don't have unprotected sex!"

"With Marik?"

"With anyone." Sienna left.

Bakura jumped up instantly and went into the kitchen. Sure enough, vodka was in there, but he headed for the phone instead. He picked it up and dialed Marik's number. His hikari Malik answered. "Hello?"

"Hey Malik, is Marik there?" Bakura asked.

"Hang on, he's in the shower." Malik went and flushed the toilet a few times. A few seconds later Marik ran out of the bathroom, naked and red.

"WHO MADE THE WATER BOILING HOT RA DAMMIT!" he demanded, brandishing his Millennium Rod.

"Ugh, oh Ra, put some clothes on," Malik said, holding out the phone. "Bakura's on the phone."

Marik snatched the phone. "What?" he said to Bakura.

"Good afternoon my naked friend."

"Hang on." Marik dragged on some leather pants. "Whaddya want Bakura?"

"Sienna's gone out, and I swear to you, this time I KNOW I've harnessed my Shadow Power perfectly. I've got this wicked curse to try out, come over with Malik. And stop by Ryou's place to get him too," Bakura said.

"Oh jeez, Shadow Power again? Bakura, you suck," Marik said. "Last time you tried your Shadow Powers you lit the curtains on fire. And blamed me. Face it, since you split from Ryou's body, your Shadow Power's gone wacky."

"Well so has yours, but I don't rub it in your face," Bakura said. "Just TRUST me on this, dumbarse. Come over." He hung up.

Bakura spent the next few minutes pacing, then he drank some vodka. Then he went upstairs and got his Millennium Ring. Then his friends finally arrived and he let them in.

"Marik, you DO care!" he said in mock-happiness, glomping his leather-clad friend.

"Ugh, get off!" Marik yelled.

Bakura was unnaturally happy, which was always a bad sign. Ryou backed behind Malik slyly.

Bakura got up and Marik did too. "Guys, you're my ginny-pigs."

"Guinea pigs," Ryou said.

"Whatever. Stand over there," Bakura said, pointing to the far wall. Marik, Malik and Ryou looked at him suspiciously, but went over to the wall.

"What are you doing?" Malik asked carefully.

"I can do this thing," Bakura said. "I swear I can. I can make you guys a foot tall. Imagine what you can do when you're that small!"

"Um… absolutely nothing!" Marik yelled. "That's the stupidest idea you've ever had. I'm outta here."

"Too late!" Bakura said, knowing his friend was going to run away. His Millennium Ring began to glow. Marik stopped walking, and Malik and Ryou froze as well, worried.

"Bakura you retard, stop!" Marik yelled.

Bakura just grinned maniacally. There was a flash, and his friends disappeared from sight.

"Yesssss!" Bakura hissed triumphantly, looking down. "No!"

His friends WERE roughly one foot tall but… they were also babies!

"Amun, no! What went wrong!" he howled, while little Ryou curled up and started to cry, and Malik looked at him askance, while Marik began ripping leaves off the pot plant. "Oh god," Bakura groaned, "I'll have to be a daddy till Sienna gets home!"

Ryou's cries were getting louder, and the pot plant was leaf-less.

"Marik, you little terror," Bakura snapped, picking him up. He grinned. "Hey, a baby in leather pants. Don't get that every – OW!" Marik had bitten his "dad." "Marik!" Bakura tossed him carelessly onto the couch and turned his attention to Ryou.

"Oh, hikari, don't cry," he sighed. "You're wimpy enough as it is." Ryou continued to bawl. Bakura sighed and picked him up. "Um… there there?"

Ryou quieted down a little. 'Okay Bakura, think,' Bakura thought to himself. 'What did you learn in Sex Ed about babies? Um…' He carefully adjusted his grip on Ryou and cradled him in his arms, rocking him. Ryou stopped crying and smiled up at him.

"Ugh, please, too cute," Bakura grumbled. But he kept rocking, keeping an eye on Marik.

Malik was getting overlooked, like a middle child. So he took a big baby breath, kicked Bakura for attention, and began to SCREEEEEEEEEEEAM. He had some lungs on him.

Ryou began to cry again, and Marik leapt off the couch and landed on Malik, driving his elbow into his stomach, copying something he'd just witnessed on the wrestling. Malik screamed, this time in pain, and began pulling on Marik's spiky hair.

"Ra, you guys are vicious!" Bakura said, picking Malik up and cradling him in his left arm and Ryou in the right. Marik started to run off, but Bakura reached out his left foot and pinned Marik to the ground by his pants. He began to hiss, spit and claw the air like a wild animal, which worried Bakura. "You're insane!" He paused. "Wait… you were always insane."

He turned his attention to Malik and Ryou, who were both crying. "Shut up you two. Look Malik, it's your best friend Ryou. Say hello." The two stopped crying and Bakura moved them closer together. Malik jabbed Ryou in the eye and Ryou started bawling again.

"Malik!" Bakura scolded. "That's not on! You apologize!" He was about to shake him, but remembered you don't shake babies or they could die. Personally he didn't care, but he knew Ishizu and Odeon would.

Marik was still going crazy. Bakura was getting worried. "Okay babies… what say we eat lunch?" Amazingly, the babies all shut up and sat there, staring at him. Bakura took that for a yes.

He took them into the kitchen and sat them on the table. "Now don't fall off and die, hear me?" He went over to the pantry and opened it. It was empty except for a packet of crackers. 'Oh no,' he thought. 'We have no food! Sienna went grocery shopping!'

Bakura figured he would have to make do. He dumped the crackers on the table with the babies and opened it. "Eat up."

He received blank looks. He sighed and slammed his fist down on the packet, making the babies jump. "There, the crackers are in little baby-bite sized pieces. Eat."

The babies exchanged baby looks and ate. Afterwards they started to cry again.

"What the HELL is your problem! You just ate!" Bakura yelled.

Marik made a raspy noise and gestured wildly at the tap. It was dripping.

"Oh. Thirsty. Right. We don't have milk or anything…" Bakura looked around and his eyes landed on something. "But I do have vodka……"

Ten minutes later…

The babies were staggering around the lounge drunkenly. Marik took a swing at Malik, missed, fell over, and lay there, sleeping. Malik lay next to him and dozed off. Ryou look at Bakura curiously.

"Alright alright hikari. But I won't like it." Bakura picked Ryou up and rocked him to sleep. He started to hum to the sleeping baby and decided there was something wrong with him. He put Ryou down with the others, went into the kitchen and cut a little hash (#) shape into his arm. He felt eviler now and went to check the time. Sienna would be home in at least half an hour.

"Well… I'll take a leaf out of their book," Bakura muttered, looking at his baby-erised friends. He lay down on the couch and fell asleep.

Later…

SMASH!

Bakura woke with a start and sat up. "It wasn't me babe, I swear, I was asleep!" he yelled, then blinked. "Wait a minute… I didn't smash anything, and Sienna isn't here, it's just me and – THE BABIES!"

Bakura ran into the kitchen. Marik had gotten onto the table, with the vodka bottle, and thrown it to the floor. It had shattered, and now he was trying to push Malik off the table, to see if he would shatter in the same way.

"Oh for Ra's sake Marik, take a chill pill!" Bakura yelled, pulling them both off the table and putting them on the ground. He sat down with them and crossed his legs. Marik ran off to play with the shattered glass, but Bakura didn't care. He let him go. Malik clambered into Bakura's lap and stayed there, watching his yami, while Ryou hid behind Bakura, also watching Marik.

Marik was throwing the glass around, cutting himself and shredding his clothes but having a ball.

This is how Sienna found them when she came in the door. "'Kura, I'm back!" she called, walking into the kitchen. "I got your bondage while I was out but I – "

"Ssh, don't talk about bondage in front of the babies!" Bakura said, then stopped. 'Ugh, I sound like I CARE!' he thought. "Uh, I mean, that's great babe, let's go use it!"

Sienna had stopped, however. "Aww, look at these adorable little babies!" she cooed, putting down her shopping bags. She picked up Marik (somehow not noticing how much damage he had dealt himself). "Whose are they Bakura? Why are they here?"

She gave baby Marik a kiss. Bakura glared. "Don't kiss him!"

Sienna frowned. "What? Why are they here Bakura? Whose are they?" she repeated.

"It's Marik, Malik and Ryou. I tried my Shadow Magic but it went wrong, and if I try to change them back it might screw up again!"

Sienna looked at the babies. "Oh man, they are too." She scooped up Malik, but Ryou clung to Bakura. "Why don't we take them to that guy, he has big hair. You know, you don't like him. He's much better at Shadow Magic than you… Yami, that's his name."

"Yami's not better than me!" Bakura whined.

"Come on," Sienna said. "Let's take them to him."

Some time later…

"So yeah, Bakura tried to make them small but he screwed up and now we need you to make them normal again, and not babies," Sienna explained to Yami across his dining table. They were at his house, Sienna explaining the problem and Bakura sitting on the ground, pouting and keeping the babies company (read: keeping the babies out of trouble).

"I'd be glad to help," Yami said, smirking at Bakura. "I always have been better at Shadow Magic than your boyfriend, Sienna."

Bakura gave Yami his patented death glare and stood up. "Just make them normal."

"Give me my space," Yami replied, just as snappily. Bakura and Sienna stood back, leaving the babies in the middle of the room in a group. "Alright…" Yami began, lifting up the Millennium Puzzle.

"Now, Marik!" Bakura called. Marik gave Yami the finger. "I taught him that just then," Bakura sniggered.

"Hmph," Yami said. He raised the Puzzle again and it began to glow, then there was a flash…

Marik, Malik ad Ryou stood there, normal again.

"What just happened?" Ryou asked.

"Why are we in Yami's house?" Malik said, crinkling his nose. Yami scowled.

"Why are my clothes shredded?" Marik asked.

Bakura suddenly smiled. "Hey, if making you small turned you into babies, maybe making you BIG will turn you into old people! Imagine what you can do when you're that old – "

"NOOOOO!"

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Hey! Well I hope you liked it. I hope the end wasn't a bit anti-climatic. I wanted to give Sienna more personality but she wasn't in it that much and I wanted the focus to stay on Bakura and his babies. Please R&R! 


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